Special (2019)
Special (2019)
Synopsis (from Netflix):
A young gay man with cerebral palsy (Ryan O’Connell) branches out from his insular existence in hopes of finally going after the life he wants.
Review:
Special is funny! An American, semi-autobiographical comedy series created by and starring Ryan O’Connell, based on his 2015 memoir I'm Special: And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves. It tells the story of Ryan Hayes, a gay 28-year-old with cerebral palsy. Having recently been hit by a car, Ryan has recovered and is starting an unpaid internship at Buzzfeed-like website Eggwoke. He’s never had a proper job and feels unaccomplished; feeling held back by his disability, he now wants to fly-the-nest and start living more fully. Special explores Ryan’s journey into starting his first real job, moving out for the first time and trying to enter the dating pool.
In a scene early on in the first episode Ryan describes how his life feels in limbo. He jokes with his physiotherapist that he’s frustrated that he is only minorly disabled, and that he’s not able-bodied enough to be mainstream, but not disabled enough to feel like a total outsider - he’s not sure where he belongs in society. After starting his internship, he claims his disabilities are due to the recent car accident. He fails to mention that he has cerebral palsy as he doesn’t want to be defined by it, and he want a clean slate where he controls his own narrative.
One of the greatest things about Special is Ryan’s hilarious colleagues at Eggwoke. His boss, Olivia (Marla Mindelle), is ridiculously crazy, and demands viral content from her staff, in particular confessional essays; she encourages one colleague to write about experiencing an unexpected orgasm during an abortion - something the colleague had told her had happened in complete confidence. Olivia asks Ryan to write about his car accident (which she has been told by him is the cause of his disabilities), as pieces about traumatic experiences do amazingly well on the website. She also summons all Eggwoke staff to hug Ryan saying “Everybody! Come hug Ryan! He was hit by a car and now he has a weird, sad limp forever!” O’Connell is clearly able to make fun of himself and his situation, but he also identifies the unwanted pity disabled people can receive, and how other people can define them by their disabilities.
Kim (Punam Patel) is another colleague, who writes posts about body empowerment and loving her curves, who gets the website the most traffic. She takes Ryan under her wing and the two become good friends. She also drives Roadsy (basically Uber), which she claims she does to gather great stories to write about. Kim is a character who is really easy to warm to - she’s fun and has depth - and she becomes an especially good friend to Ryan, but isn’t afraid to call him out when she feels he’s not telling the full truth.
A particularly interesting discussion had in Special is around disabilities and sex and relationships. Ryan is a virgin and he doesn’t always feel worthy of being loved as he thinks people wouldn’t want to deal with his disabilities. When he bumps into a guy from Grindr at a party, the guy leaves him after Ryan doesn’t know how to kiss properly. Kim encourages him to hire a sex worker to help him lose his virginity and gain confidence and experience. He goes to meet Shay at a nice apartment. Shay (Brian Jordan Alvarez) is a sex worker (who has a really cute dog) and he patiently and calmly eases Ryan into things, giving him encouragement and intimacy. After having sex Shay mentions that he’s had sex with a few people with cerebral palsy, but that Ryan is by far the most limber. Despite it being a positive experience and Shay trying to be kind, Ryan gets defensive and claims that he will have sex with someone without having to pay soon. All in all Ryan comes away happy and feeling more confident. Special also focuses on the struggle to maintain friendships when disabled. Until Ryan decides to move out he had never lived away from his mum, whereas his friends have all moved on or moved away years ago. Ryan feel inferior and forgotten as they have all left him behind.
Another really interesting relationship is that between Ryan and his mum (Jessica Hecht). She is a single mother and is incredibly protective of Ryan. Their relationship is incredibly codependent and she describes Ryan as ‘special’ due to his disability. She doesn’t want him to move out because not only does she worry that he will struggle to live independently, but she doesn’t know what to do when he’s not around. She has spent so much time focused on him, that her own life has taken a backseat, and without him she doesn’t have anything going on. For example, they usually spend every Saturday together and she won’t go to the farmers’ market without him as it’s ‘our thing’. She’s scared to let go as then she’ll be left to confront how little she has going on in her own life. However, Ryan moving out does let her try and explore moving on and finding love again (with her new neighbour).
Special gives a comedic take on being gay and disabled. It tackles sensitive topics with humour such as: sex and disability, codependency with parents, and being treated differently due to being disabled. It consists of eight short episodes which go by very quickly and it gives depth to its main characters, especially Ryan, his mum and Kim. It’s a show with warmth, it’s easy to enjoy, and it gives perspectives that we aren’t perhaps used to seeing. You can tell it’s semi-autobiographical and O’Connell gives a really great insight into life being somewhat disabled - neither mainstream, nor an outsider. To sum up this show’s vibe, the title of the first episode is ‘Chapter One: Cerebral LOLzy’.
Favourite Quote:
“Save that for Grindr.” - Physiotherapist
“I love that you think I have enough self-esteem to be on Grindr. What would my profile even say? “I’m gay and disabled. But I promise not to drool on you until the third date.”” - Ryan
“There are plenty of drool fetishists out there.” - Physiotherapist
Tone: Warm
Score: 8/10
Other observations:
Shay the sex worker is played by the brilliant Brian Jordan Alvarez who created The Gay and Wondrous Life of Caleb Gallo (2016) - which I will review at a later date.
Kim appears to be so confident, especially as she writes about loving her body, and yet she admits that she also struggles to fit in. Such is the pressure she feels to look good and dress well, because of the fact that she’s a non-white, non-skinny girl, that in order to feel accepted she wears expensive, fashionable clothes. She admits that she actually drives for Roadsy in order to help fund that lifestyle.
Kim’s friend Carey (Augustus Prew), who Ryan gets a crush on, has a couple of interactions with Ryan that are worth reflecting on. Firstly, when he notices during poker that Ryan is unable to shuffle he lends a hand and does it for him - he does this subtly and without Ryan asking - the other players do not notice and it is clear Ryan appreciates the intervention. However, in a later scene when Carey and Ryan are walking to a restaurant, Ryan’s shoelaces are untied and Carey tries to do them up for him without asking - other people are around and Ryan feels embarrassed and pushes Carey away. There is a complexity to helping other people - doing it privately can protect someone’s dignity, but in public it can feel demeaning.
Carey is played by Augustus Prew from Almost Love (2019) - which I will review at a later date.
When Ryan says "Sometimes I don't know if I want to be his boyfriend or just kind of be him,” that struck a chord. Being gay is weird sometimes because it can be hard to tell whether we are attracted to a guy or just want to be more like him - or both!
Ryan’s date with Olivia’s cousin is an interesting one. She sets him up on a blind date with her cousin who turns out to be deaf, and communication has to go through an interpreter, who Ryan initially mistakes as his date! The date doesn’t go well and Ryan later admits that he thinks he can do better than a deaf guy. Olivia claims that he has internalised ableism, and in some ways he does. He feels limited by his own disability and yet he thinks he’s above those he considers more disabled than himself, such as those who are deaf. Being called out by Olivia causes Ryan to start questioning himself, especially as he has been hiding his cerebral palsy.
Ryan admitting to his colleagues at Eggwoke that he has cerebral palsy is like a second coming out. He has come out as gay and now he has come out with his true disability. He was being inauthentic and he has realised that to truly thrive he needed to take control of his own narrative whilst being honest about who he is. Internalised ableism is a tough topic to tackle and this is perhaps where O’Connell brings his own experiences into the story.
Ryan’s mum shows the challenges of finding love/dating while having other people dependent on you. Her promising relationship with her neighbour stalls because he says he doesn’t want to date her and her son. He is retired and has no-one relying on him, and he can’t appreciate dating someone who has other people relying on them.
I don’t like the way that Ryan treats his mum and takes her for granted. He forgets her birthday and gets her the wrong cake (the only thing she had actually asked for). He’s selfish and doesn’t appreciate what she has done for him. He feels entitled to his mum giving him everything as he knows he’s all she’s got in her life, and she allows him to treat her like that because he’s all she’s focused on. They both love each other so much and yet that love is in some ways unhealthy and holding them both back. He needs his independence to fully grow up and she needs to let go in order to find other sources of happiness.